The way our marriages are and the parenting styles/decisions we make come from the examples we know. It is wise to ask ourselves the question: what cultural things do I want to embed in my family? Something significant to remember is that every culture is equally valid. The family is where that culture is passed on. Different families will have different cultures and so we can look for negative habits or traditions and weed them out to have a better more improved family culture. Co-habitation is a culture we see, which creates this parallel life for individuals. There is no combination of the two lives except for the living together part. It is living the life style of married people without the commitment. It is not a healthy habit that we see way to frequently in our culture today.
With the Supreme Court case decision this June this was a hot topic, for which I wanted greater understanding. Discussing this in class was very helpful, as we talked and learned about Daryl Bem’s findings as to why people come to define themselves as being gay. It is not necessarily a problem of sexuality but of intimacy in which their basic needs are more easily met with someone of the same gender. That type of intimacy is a basic need to have and to gain. I find it sad that as a society we are quick to define these individuals as being gay, when it is not something you can be. It is a lifestyle choice and really there are wide ranges of different temperaments that make this manifest.
Love; a tricky thing to indentify and to really KNOW about. There are different types of love that we learned about: Storge – the love between parents and children, Philia – the type of love between friends that is shared, Eros – Passionate arousal that is romantic and often sexual and Agape – which is Christ-like love. These different types of love are evident in everyone’s life, but at different levels. The RAM, as developed by Dr. John Van Epp, talks about 5 different ways to build a relationship with someone that should be built in a certain order. These principles should build upon each other as steps in this order : knowing them, trusting, relying on, committing to and touching. Too often people jump to the last one without building the other 4 and it causes problems in relationships. Oxytocin is a chemical hormone found in women that is released most often in a physical experience (i.e. kissing, sexual intimacy, giving birth), which creates a bond to that person. It can be hard and take a toll on women when there is not a good foundation for a relationship if a physical intimacy is introduced too quickly. And the last thing I want to remember are the three aspects of really coming to know some one. Known as the “know-quo” the three “t’s” are: Talk, Togetherness, and Time. Talking includes mutual self-disclosure, and togetherness is sharing a wide range of activities together.
The power of being informed is so much greater than I had ever thought about before. I have learned that we have to do our part and research. It is the principles of performance on our part that will govern our understanding of the issues surrounding us and the maintenance of our testimonies. I am excited for this semester and the time I will spend getting informed on The Family.
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